I swear I’m listening, it’s just that I’m also thinking about:
- the last time the baby pooped was when? We might have introduced oatmeal too early, now he’s shaped like a football and growling like a current president eating a Big Mac.
- what it would be like to have made a different decision in 2007 when I opted to move back home. I’m sure I’d still be depressed and slightly overweight, but in a more populated city with foot traffic and legible street signs.
- whether I forgot to let the dogs back in the house before I left for work. It’s 24 degrees outside; I’m sure they’ll be fine.
- whether the 5-year-old’s up-to-date on his vaccines. He was playing with scrap wood in the basement, and I’m pretty sure he was “scratching his back” with a rusty nail.
- the last episode of Vampire Diaries and how it was so confusing who survived, but I can’t talk to anyone about it because I’m in my 30s and I often ignored my children to watch the show.
- how many hours of sleep I’ll get tonight because the baby’s teething. For the last week, it’s been an average of four total. You think we’d have adapted to sleep deprivation over centuries, but no. Darwin?
- my cramps, and if that means my IUD failed and I have an ectopic pregnancy.
- if I’ll get fired tomorrow.
- if I lose my job, what can we not pay and for how long?
- what body part, organ or piece of furniture I can sell for grocery money if I am jobless.
- intrigued by the thought of not having to go to work or shower and just spend time with boogery kids every day.
- my game plan to suck up to boss so I don’t lose job.
- whether it might be the right time to go to graduate school and how I can find a coupon code for free classes.
- if we have enough milk for tomorrow.
- the state of the Women’s Movement and how I need to be a better feminist when I’m not so sleep-deprived and stuck in a third-class city with limited opportunity and upward mobility.
- cheese sticks.
I’m sorry. You were saying?